Current Entry - April 26th+

Sunday April 26th
It's 12:17 AM and I just got through eating my dinner (Shrimp Sandwich in case you were wondering).
So, a little behind the scenes at the restaurant:
The current head cook and I have never really gotten along. I think she thinks I get preferential treatment because I've been there so long, and a good dishwasher is hard to find (or to keep) where I work. I on the other hand think she gets away with a lot of crap just because she is the head cook and that she is defensive about her height so the bosses try to steer clear of her wrath.
Well, we all know that the old Scott lets people walk all over him, and at work it's no different. My night can usually include several of the following: Making a fire, make orange juice and or carrot juice, change the soda canisters (all of which used to be the bartenders job but I do them cause she is an elderly lady), make bread crumbs and or puree the soup (which used to be the cooks job), need I go on? Needless to say, I rarely have enough time to my own job, let alone do all the other jobs that I got stuck with over the years just because they knew I would do them.
Back before the latest head cook started we only had to scrub out 4 to 8 saute pans a night. The cooks didn't even let us touch them when I started working there, but one night one of the dumb dishwashers said that if they showed him how to do it he would since it was only 4 to 8 a night. Okay, so that stupid person was me. So when the new head cook started, she didn't get trained by the old cooks, so she pretty much had to make it up as she went along. So now we do over a hundred saute pans a night. I put up a fight and almost quit trying to get them to go back to the old way of using the pans, but she wouldn't bend and I finally gave in (as a side note I would like to say that the Monday night head cook only used 2 saute pans last Monday. Unfortunately, he's just put in notice).
Well the newest thing she wants us to do is empty the cooks utensil tub. Originally the tub was there so that the dishwashers would not be on the line (where the cooks cook) and thus keep us out of there way and since they emptied it they would always be assured to find the utensil in the place they wanted it to be. Well, since it is located in the back room where we are, they usually forget about it. On my helpers first night, she took him aside and told him that "Scott is special and has been here for a long time so we don't make him empty this tub, but you have to." I quickly corrected her by telling him that "the real reason is that we have lazy cooks and they don't want to do that job so we get to."
Wel we're not used to emptying the tub yet, and last night it got forgotten. So I came in tonight and there was a note that said "why wasn't this tub emptied last night and every night?"
Ooh, I wanted to rip into her so bad. In the time it took her to find a pen and that scrap of paper she wrote on, she could have emptied the tub herself. I had so many mean ways to answer that note, but opted to just write a short one that said "don't even start that" mostly because I didn't have time for that crap as the bar was out of 7up and Soda and the damn fire wouldn't go.
Well, that apparently ticked her off. : ( Poor baby. Both her helpers go out on cigarette breaks all the time, and they could have skipped one of there breaks to empty the tub themselves. (Another side note: I rarely take breaks. I don't ever have time to.)
This rant has gone on longer than I had originally planned, so I'll rap it up by saying that I settled this the peaceful way. We no longer have a utensil tub. We just put them away as we clean them. Course she will most likely throw a shit fit because we will be on the line, but you know what? I don't care. The old me would have been almost in tears tonight. But not the new me. I was a little pissed. But all in all I handled it fine. I even told the boss the situation and the solution I came up with and she agreed with me. The old me would have let this eat at me until I was a wreck.
You want a point to this story? Okay, try this one. Keep those straight pills away from me. I've had enough female contact for this life time, I wouldn't want to be married to one.

Anyway, thanks for letting me blow off some steam. As a reward, there is a new Journal listed on my link page: Bart Boatwright. Go check him out. He's really a cool guy. And tell him he's cute damn it. Oops, wrong journal. *giggle*

Oh, BTW. I'm doing great. I'm real happy (at least when I'm not at work) and real positive. That situation with my brother isn't at the forefront of my thoughts like it was. I could really care less what he thinks of me, or what he does. I'm over the whole thing (I hope). I keep wondering if I'm lying to myself about how I'm feeling, but I don't think I am. As for mom, I'm hoping to set her down and talk to her about a few things, maybe get her to see that some of the things she thinks are true actually aren't. But I'm in no hurry. I feel no need to get a hold of her at all. And I'm not avoiding the issue. I really feel I've worked through this. I don't know why though, and that makes me a little nervous. But hey, I'm going to enjoy it while I can. Just in case it's the calm before the storm. :)

Wednesday April 29th
Saw "Species 2" (save your money for the rental counter) then on my way home I dropped off the book "Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil" for my mom to read. We talked for about 4 hours. Nope, no fighting. Some interesting topics though.
Why didn't my brother want to see me last time? According to my mom, it was most likely because he was sure I would say "I told you so". Well, first off that's not the kind of person I am. I will only remind you of past mistakes if I see you repeating them. Besides, if I wanted to say "I told you so" I would have done so in my letter to him.
Does my brother have a hard time with my sexuality? Well, yes and no. We both think that maybe my brother has a problem with people knowing about my sexuality and that they will question his... And that he may not be ready to admit, even to himself, what his sexual preference is. I have suspected that he may be Bisexual, even before I came out to him. What I didn't know is that mom also thinks he may be also. When faced with me being gay, he decided that he had to prove he wasn't also, so he went full speed for that girl of his (among other things).
Does my mother have a hard time with my sexuality? Nope, but she does have a problem with others perceptions of it (on that point we agree).

So some things got resolved. Actually a lot of things got resolved.

Next subject. "Billy's Boy". Bruce sent me this incredible book called "Billy's boy". It's the first time I have ever identified with a character in film or print this much. If put in the same situations, that could be me. The kid is into STAR WARS about as much as me. He's gay (although he's getting some at age 13 : ( ). His thought's are so much like mine it has brought me to tears a few times already. The religion that the neighbors have gotten mixed up in and there attitudes are right out of my relationship with my father and I. Same kind of religion, same kind of pressure to be a good little straight man type thing.
Anyway, it's a good book and I highly recommend it. Thanks Bruce!

Thursday April 30th
I just finished the last 250+ pages of "Billy's Boy" (it's been quite a few years since I finished a book in less than a week). I cried all the way through it. I've never identified with a character more than I have with the main character in this book (despite the fact he might be Bi. That's not an issue for me though). I'm emotionally exhausted.
I definitely want the movie rights to this one! If for no other reason, so that it will get done right.

I looked at a picture of my brother last night. It's the first time I have been able to look at one with out crying, this time I didn't cry. He was sitting in an Air Force jet cockpit (he's not a pilot BTW, just a mechanic of sorts (what a waist of a talented kid (says the dishwasher of almost eleven years))). He had on his fake smile he uses when he's pretending to have fun, and there were bags under his eyes. He's definitely not happy.
My mom said that when he heard about my internet-life, he said I wasn't living in the real world. Course, he was going through personals on the net too. *giggle* Mom said she couldn't believe how even as far apart as we are now, we both seem to be going through the same things.

Okay, new subject, I added another link today. Go visit Mickymse's Musings. He's really a nice guy (good writer too). We've got a few of the same issues to work through. Kinda spooky sometimes, and comforting too, in a way. Any way, check him out.