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The Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition

There are 285 Rules of Acquisition
47 commentaries
900 major and minor adjustments
Over 10,000 considered opinions

1. Once you have there money, never give it back.
3. Never pay more for an acquisition than you have to.
4. A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen.
6. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
7. Keep your ears open.
8. Small print leads to large risk.
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
10. Greed is eternal.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
16. A deal is a deal, until a better one comes along.
17. A contract is a contract is a contract--but only between Ferengi.
18. A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all.
19. Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
20. Only give money to people you know you can steal from.
21. Never place friendship above profit.
22. A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
24. Latinum can't buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it.
25. There's always a way out.
26. As the customers go, so goes the wise profiteer.
27. There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
31. Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother, insult something he cares about instead.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
34. Peace is good for business.
35. War is good for business.
39. Friendship is temporary; profit is forever.
40. She can touch your lobes but never your latinum.
41. Profit is its own reward.
42. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine too.
44. Never confuse wisdom with luck.
45. Ambition knows no family.
46. Make your shop easy to find.
47. Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
49. Everything is worth something to somebody.
50. Gratitude can bring on generosity.
52. Never ask when you can take.
57. Good customers are as rare as latinum - treasure them.
58. There is no substitute for success.
59. Free advice is seldom cheap.
60. Keep you lies consistent.
62. The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
65. Win or lose, there's always Huyperian beetle snuff.
68. Ear stroking will get you anything.
69. Ferengi are not responsible for the stupidity of other races.
72. Never trust your customers.
73. If it gets you profit, sell your own mother.
75. Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum.
76. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
77. It's better to swallow your pride than to lose your profit.
79. Beware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.
82. The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
84. A friend is not a friend if he asks for a discount.
85. Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
87. A friend in need means three times the profit.
89. Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
94. Females and finances don't mix.
95. Expand or die.
96. For every Rule, there is an equal and opposite Rule. (except when there's not)
97. Enough, is never enough.
98. Act without delay! The sharp knife cuts quickly.
99. Trust is the biggest liability of all.
100. If they take your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.
101. The only value of a collectible is what you can get somebody else to pay for it.
102. Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever.
103. Fill a desparate need with your most expensive product, then mark it up 500%.
104. Faith moves mountains, of inventory.
105. Don't trust anyone who trusts you.
106. There is no honor in poverty.
107. A warranty is valid only if they can find you.
109. Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
111. Treat people in your debt like family, exploit them.
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister.
113. Always have sex with the boss.
116. There's always a catch.
117. You can't free a fish from water.
119. Never judge a customer by the size of his wallet (...sometimes, good things come in small packages).
121. Everything is for sale, even friendship.
123. Even a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.
125. Count it.
127. Stay neutral in conflict so that you can sell supplies to both sides.
135. Never trust a beneficiary.
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit.
141. Only fools pay retail.
144. There's nothing wrong with charity, as long as it winds up in your pocket.
146. Necessity is the mother of invention. Profit is the father.
152. A lie is a way to tell the truth to someone who doesn't know.
153. Sell the sizzle, not the steak.
162. Even in the worst of times someone turns a profit.
169. Competition and fair play are mutually exclusive.
177. Know you enemies, but do business with them always.
181. Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
188. A fool and his money is the best customer.
189. Let others keep their reputation. You keep there money.
192. Never cheat a Klingon, unless you're sure you can get away with it.
194. It's always good business to know about customers before they walk in the door.
191. A Ferengi waits to bid until his opponents have exhausted themselves.
200. If you're going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
202. The justification for profit is profit.
203. New customers are like razor-backed Greeworms--they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back!
208. Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than the question is an answer.
211. Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success--don't hesitate to step on them.
214. Never begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.
216. Never gamble with an empath.
217. You can't free a fish from water.
218. Always know what you're buying.
219. Always know what you're buying.
223. Beware the man who doesn't make time for oo-mox.
229. Latinum lasts longer than lust.
231. There's a sucker born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one.
236. You can't buy fate.
239. Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
241. Never trust a hardworking employee.
242. More is good, all is better.
255. A wife is a luxury, a smart accountant a necessity.
260. Life's not fair. How else would you turn a profit?
261. A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
262. A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
263. Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for Latinum.
265. The customer is always right (...until you get their cash).
266. When in doubt, lie.
270. In business deals, a disruptor can be almost as important as a calculator.
273. Never trust a hardworking employee.
284. Deep down everyone's a Ferengi.
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Other Rules:
286. When Morn leaves, it's all over.
299. Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thanks them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time.
Number Unknown: One person's secret is another person's opportunity.
Number Unknown: You can tell a great deal about a man from his shoes.
Number Unknown: Time's an asset.
Number Unknown: Your goods are now my goods.
Number Unknown: Exploitation begins at home.
Number Unknown: When you see a good deal, jump on it.
Number Unknown: A Ferengi without a head for business has no future.
Number Unknown: Business is business, even among friends.
Number Unknown: When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger.
Number Unknown: Only a fool passes up a business opportunity.
The unwritten rule: When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up.

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S.A.W!