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Laugh Out Loud


"Those who can't think, fight." - Dr. Judy Robinson (From the "Lost In Space" movie) "People in glass houses shouldn't stand next to the window!" - Beverly Greene on March 27, 1997

"Men often say, 'Women! Who could ever understand them?' Don't ask a lesbian for the answer. All you'll get is a sympathetic nod." - Joanne Brigden

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." - Lynn Lavner

"The test of courage comes when we are in the minority; the test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority." - Ralph W. Stockman

"Do you think homosexuals are revolting? You bet your sweet ass we are!" - Gay Liberation Front in New York

"Just where is the 'homosexual agenda'? And why have people like Pat Robertson and Bob Dole seen it before any of us?" - Natasha

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself." - Harvey Fierstien

"Sexuality is not a choice; freedom is." - Brett Cavanagh

"The only abnormality is the incapacity to love." - Anis Nin

"Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS from giving money to television preachers?" - Elayne Boosler

"Jesus was never married, ran around with twelve guys, and was betrayed by a kiss from another guy." - Rev. Troy Perry

"Jesus preached and talked against a whole gamut of sins. He never mentioned homosexuality at all." - Jimmy Carter (former US president)

"Homophobia is absolutely integral to the system of sexualized male supremacy. It expresses contempt for men who are sexual with men because they are believed to be 'treated like a woman' in sex. Homophobia keeps men doing to women what they would not want done to themselves." - John Stoltenberg in "Refusing to be a man"

"Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, 'Whod' you call a faggot?" - John Stewart

"Like many other men, I too have had homosexual experiences and I'm not ashamed." - Marlon Brando

"Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings." - Heinrich Heine

"Originality does not consist in saying what no one has ever said before, but in saying exactly what you think yourself." - Katherine Anne Porter American Author (1894-1980)

"It is better to be hated for what one is, then to be loved for what one is not." - Andre Gide

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." - Martin Luther King Jr.

"For hatred does not cease by hatred at any time: hatred ceases by love - this is an old rule." - The Dhammapada (c. B.C. 300)

"Respect yourself most of all." - Pythagoras (B.C. 582-507)

"The only way to have a friend is to be one." - Emerson (1803-1882)

"There are three kinds of love, unselfish, mutual, and selfish. The unselfish love is of the highest kind. The lover only minds the welfare of the beloved and does not care for his own sufferings. In mutual love the lover not only wants the happiness of his beloved but has an eye towards his own happiness also. It is middling. The selfish love is the lowest. It only looks towards its own happiness, no matter whether the beloved suffers weal or woe." - Ramakrishna (1836-1886)

"The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously." - Hubert Humphrey

"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it with religious conviction." - by Blaise Pascal

"First they came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up, because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up, because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me." - Rev. Martin J. Niemoller in 1945

"One of the things about equality is not just that you be treated equally to a man, but that you treat yourself equally to the way that you treat a man." - Marlo Thomas

"Opinions founded on prejudice are always sustained with the greatest violence." - a Hebrew Proverb

"The price for independance is often isolation and solitude." - Steve Schmidt

"Absence of proof is not proof of absence." - Michael Crichton

"God is the name we give our conscience." - Nader Shureih

"Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent." - Jean Kerr

"There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees." - Michael de Montaigne

"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are." - Anais Nin

"Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

"Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the rideworthwhile." - Franklin P. Jones

"Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward." - Gallagher

"Better keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid then open it and remove any doubt." - Rami Belson

"Try a thing you haven't done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time, to figure out whether you like it or not." - Virgil Thomson (Advice given at age 93)

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. - Abraham Lincoln

Good advice usually works best when preceded by a bad scare. - Al Batt

Abstract art: A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. - Al Capp

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. - Ambrose Bierce

The four stages of man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence. - Art Linkletter

The key to healthy marriage is to keep your eyes wide open before you wed - and half closed thereafter. - Benjamin Franklin

We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics. - Bill Vaughan

In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season. - Bill Vaughan

Managing is getting paid for home runs someone else hits. - Casey Stengel

If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. - Dennis Roch

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech. - Franklin P. Jones

Committee--a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. - Fred Allen

He who wants to know people should study their excuses. - Friedrich Hebbel

If they try to rush me, I always say, "I've only got one other speed--and it's slower." - Glenn Ford

I never give them hell. I just tell the truth, and they think it is hell. - Harry Truman

You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth. - Henrik Isben

Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors. - Herbert Agar

The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously. - Hubert Humphrey

Statistics indicate that, as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses. - Ira Wallach

Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself, and the wife smiles and lets it go at that. - J.M. Barrie

Every animal leaves traces of what it was; man alone leaves traces of what he created. - Jacob Bronowski

How would you like a job where, if you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and eighteen thousand people boo? - Jacques Plante (Former hockey goalie)

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up. - James Magary

People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little. - Jean Jacques Rousseau

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want's an adorable pancreas? - Jean Kerr

Faced with having to change our views or prove that there is no need to do so, most of us get busy with the proof. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

Children are a great comfort in your old age; and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman

The nice thing about egoists is that they don't talk about other people. - Lucille S. Harper

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. - Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt--and children. - Mark Twain

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. - Mark Twain

Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain

The idea of strictly minding our own business is moldy rubbish. Who could be so selfish? - Myrtie Barker

A committee is the only known form of life with a hundred bellies and no brain. - Robert A. Heinlein

About one-fifth of the people are against everything all the time. - Robert F. Kennedy

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Robert Frost

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. - Robert M. Hutchins

The noblest of all dogs is the hot dog; it feeds the hand that bites it. - Robert W. Chambers

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. - Stephen Leacock

If there were no other proof of the infinite patience of God with men, a very good one could be found in His toleration of the pictures that are painted of Him. - Thomas Merton

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it. - Will Rogers

Money will buy a pretty good dog but it won't buy the wag of his tail. - Henry Wheeler Shaw

You can't hold a man down without staying down with him. - Booker T. Washington

A reputation once broken may possibly be repaired, but the world will always keep their eyes on the spot where the crack was. - Joseph Hall

We are inclined to believe those we do not know, because they have never deceived us. - Samuel Johnson

A little lie is like a little pregnancy, it doesn't take long before everyone knows. - C.S. Lewis

I think somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision. - Eleanor Roosevelt

The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. - Samuel Johnson

Life can only be understood backward; but it must be live forward. - Soren Kierkegaard

Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade? - Benjamin Franklin

Commandment Number One of any truly civilized society is this: Let people be different. - David Grayson

Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent. - Napolean Bonaparte

This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in. - Theodore Roosevelt

And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. - Abraham Lincoln

Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses. - Alphonse Karr

Life is half spent before one knows what life is. - French Proverb

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know. - Daniel J. Boorstin

A great teacher has always been measured by the number of his students who have surpassed him. - Donald Robinson

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