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Laugh Out Loud


The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

'Criminal Lawyer' is a redundancy.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe? The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions.

If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?

What's right isn't always popular, what's popular isn't always right.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ship's are built for.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.

If nothing sticks to Teflon, then how does it stick to the pan?

We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Tell me what you believe and I'll tell you where you're going wrong.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.

Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.

The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

If more men were self starters in the area of communication, fewer wives would be cranks.

One of the great mysteries of life is how the idiot that your daughter married can be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the whole wide world.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expect a receipt.

"Baroque (adj.): When you are out of Monet."

It's better to sleep on what you plan to do than be kept awake by what you've done.

If you happen to catch a repeat or you
have a phrase you think I might like,
feel free to
E-mail me!

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