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Current Entries - July 7th+

Friday, July 3rd - How the L did summer get here so fast?!?!?
So I got up early today (Thursday the 2nd), answered a little e-mail, and decided to go see if my sister (and her hubby and kid) and my father (and step-mother) were still camping up north a little ways. My sisters husband (the homophobic one) invited me to come see them all last week when I was on ICQ. I figured, sure, why not, I'm feeling to good about myself right now anyway. :)
So I got to the campground and realized I didn't know what any of there vehicles look. I drove around the outskirts of the very large campground once (like I would run into them in the maze of roads or something) and saw what looked like my fathers cook stove, but wasn't sure so I kept going. I finally decided to ask at the from office if I could find out where they were. And they told me. Spooky huh? So I drove back to where the camp stove was and sure enough, that was them (spooky huh?), but I didn't see anyone there. So I pulled in and decided to read my book (gonna give a 25 year old shit for reading a STAR WARS book?). Well my dad climbed out of the tent (my step mom and him were napping with the kid while my sister and her hubby went to see "Armageddon" just down the road).
I won't go into any details, cause it's pretty boring stuff. You know, sit around the campfire trying to keep an eye on the two year old to keep him out of the dirt, the road, the fire, the bushes, the etc. Conversation was pretty generic all around. By the time my sister and her hubby returned, me and the kid had bonded. It's cool being called "unca cot", but it really reminds me why I want to raise a kid of my own. Watching his parents interact with him.... That and seeing the two couples together (my sis and hubby, and my dad and step mom), well I really felt left out of the whole experience. The couple thing. I really want that. No, I need that in my life. I hate being single. I really do.

So I was pushing the kid in the hammock later in the night and my sis and dad are talking about Portland, and my sister was saying something about being in downtown Portland (I wasn't really listening as I was having a much better time with the kid), and my dad breaks in saying how you have to be careful there with all the druggies and ho-mo-sex-u-als down there (he annunciates it like a TV evangelist or something). I glanced up and them and saw my sisters and her hubby's eyes quickly glance over at me (for those just tuning in, my very religious dad and step-mom don't know, but my sis and red-necked homophobe hubby do). I simply raised my eyebrows a little and went back to pushing the kid. I think they were expecting me to drop the bucket right there or at least give him shit for it, but I wasn't in the mood.

Other than that one incident, nothing out of the norm happened. It was like my sexuality wasn't an issue with anyone. I'm still a little in shock at the fact that my sisters husband even invited me to visit.

Saturday, The Fourth Of July, 1998 - No fireworks this year!
SO this year, there aren't going to be any fireworks in town. Usually we have the coolest fireworks I've ever seen, but this year, the tide is to high and there wont be any beach to fire them off from. Which is fine with me since I have to work anyway. I used to have a great view from where I did dishes, but they built an apartment over the shed and now all I see is a brown wall. There is a local guy who makes them. He makes them bigger and fancier than I've ever seen. The first year they were so large that one window got broken and people complained cause they were to loud (but that was just cause they took there time firing them off and the show didn't get over till after midnight).

My mother stopped by today and showed me the present she got my brother, so I gave her the "fluff" letter I had typed and printed the night before to put in with it, so I have another letter going to my depressed brother.

Her: "I want to ask you a question, and I'd like the truth if possible."
Me: "Okay. What?"
Her: "Is there a rumor going around that I have a crush on you?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "That's what I thought. How long has that been going on?"
Me: "Well *my helpers name* said he thought you did about a half hour after you and I started working together that first night."
So anyway, she knows that its being said. But she's neither denied it or confirmed it. She said she hasn't had a crush on anyone since highschool, but that that isn't what she "would call it these days anyway cause that sounds juvenile". She's very good at talking around stuff I'm finding out. I hope we can be friends though. It's not everyday I find someone who's mind works so much like mine that they get my humor.
As for the younger guy that I thought might be gay, well he's started hounding this one girl. You should see him when ever she's around. He gets bossy at her and does this ridiculous strut. I almost feel sorry for him for how stupid he looks when he does that. The kids gonna be single a long while. It's a shame cause he's very good looking, and usually very polite and sweet.
Oh, and the Scottish guy came back and asked me what sounded like a 2 syllable question tonight: "Dayahvetheentrnetatome?" I hadn't the slightest idea what he said and asked him to repeat it. So he said "Internet! Doyouhavetheinternetathome?" He has some stuff he want's me to look up on the net for him. I told him to write down what he want's (since there is no way I can understand what he wants by him saying it that's for certs). Nice guy, but he sounds like he should be at a pub or something. He told the girl with a crush on me that his accent really gets thick when he's shitfaced (drunk). *giggle* Might be fun to see at least once. :)

So I talked to my first non-journalist tonight on the phone, my buddy Jer (not the one with a journal) who has been quoted a few times here before. Sweet guy. Finally a slight New York accent (just on certain words though). Haven't heard one since I used to hang out with my best friend (his mom would every once in a while slip into her New York accent (just on certain words too though)). I may talk about one of his suggestions here in a little while if I get up the guts to actually try what he came up with. It is a good idea, but I'm not sure just how "me" it is. We'll see though.

And still no pics from Bart yet. *Hint Hint* *giggle*

Monday, July 6th
[From a article on cast members form the new STAR WARS prequel on 7/3/98]
Scott Capurro - He is a fairly well known actor and comedian in the gay community and you might remember him in Mrs. Doubtfire as Jack. Bothan Spy told us he was the other pod race announcer.

Me: "So can you keep a secret?"
Girl With Crush: "Yes."
Me: Slight pause as I start to talk myself out of it. "I'm gay."
Girl With Crush: "I was wondering which way to make you blush."

Making me blush seems to be a popular game these days. So she knows. She seems to have taken it okay, maybe not even surprised (hard to tell, she was already chewing her nails before I told her). I don't know though. Guess I'll find out tomorrow at work. I hated telling her and I feel bad that I did. I feel like I dashed her dreams or something. I just hope she and I can be friends.

There was something else I was going to talk about, but it's left me for the moment. Blame Chadley, he keeps distracting me. *G* I've got to remind myself to add him to the journals I read. Oh, that reminds me what I was going to say! I'm adding another journal to the links page. Josh 155. It's only a couple of days old, but off to a good start.

Monday, July 7th - Female responses!
I got to work tonight and held the door open for one of the new waitresses that I haven't had much contact with (she's the daughter of the card reading waitress). She declared as she walked through the door: "Hey Stud!"
What is it printed on my forehead: Single, 20something, Available, Not afraid to commit!
My mother told me a few weeks ago when I told her about the girl with a crush on me, that I must be giving out those kinda vibes. I'm begining to think she's right.
Then when the girl with a crush on me got to work a couple of hours latter, she handed me a note (folded like the notes my ex-girlfriend used to give me back in highschool). I didn't get to read it till I got home. I HATE BEING KEPT IN SUSPENSE!!!!! At least I knew she was still talking to me cause she was my helper. But I had a hard time looking her in the eyes. Maybe it's not strangers that I cant look at, it's people who know I'm gay. I did the same thing to my brother and mother too.

Dear Scott,
I just want to thank you enough for trusting me enough to tell me. I've spent most of my evening wondering about your timing, though. I wondered; if the comment about disrobing had not been uttered would you still have told me. I had to wonder why you didn't mention it when I asked about "The Rumor" :).
Then I thought how uncomfortable it must have made you for me to say it.
Then, of course, I thought of how nervous you must have been in the car. :|

I wasn't surprised at all, or dismayed, shocked or disappointed. I think I knew it - or have at least been aware of it since I first laid eyes on you. This has nothing to do with you manner or behavior - But rather an 8th sense I have - although I must say if I had to pick a clue it would definitely be your musical selection. :)
I always think that being sure is safer though, and usually asking outright as the best way (unless it's BLATANTLY obvious) but now-a-days I'm always afraid I'll offend the asked individual.
The last thing I'd want to do is offend you because I wouldn't want anything to spoil our fun.
I have a really good time working with you. I always have a better evening when you're there, and I miss your smile and you humor when you're not.
I would enjoy spending time with you elsewhere, hanging out and getting to know each other better if that would be suitable for you. :) I think it would be a shame to let this opportunity at friendship escape, don't you?

Is she cool or what? Course now I have to wait till Sunday to tell her how cool she is. :(
And I think "The Girl With A Crush On Me" is gong to need a different name. *giggle*

Saturday, July 11th
I woke up in the weirdest mood yesterday. It was like I was hoping everything would go wrong. And for the first part of the day, it kinda did.
First off, I got woke up by my alarm (for like the 3rd time since I got the clock. I usually wake up before it goes off). It was 3 in the afternoon, and It felt like I had been in bed for only an hour. I really wanted to just go back to sleep for another 24 hours.
Then at work, the dishwashing machine still didn't get fixed, and there were 154 people that came for dinner the night before so we were expecting a busy night. Thankfully that didn't happen.
I was cleaning up after work, and I got a phone call from S (formerly the girl with a crush) and she wanted me to come over after I got off work. I said okay even though I just wanted to go home and go to bed. After I hung up, my boss said "maybe she's the one" I laughed. And told her that if she were a guy then she would be. So my boss asked "how do you know?" I turned it around to "How do you know your straight?" She replied that she didn't. So I said maybe she's Bi. I thought we were sort of joking, but she was serious. Seems my boss may be questioning her sexuality!
So I went to S's house, and all her honorary aunts and uncles were there and they were playing dictionary (someone looks up a word in the dictionary and everyone writes down what they think the definition is and everyone tries to guess which one is the real one). After playing that for a few hours, the party ended and me and S went down to her apartment and talked. Seems she has several friends where she used to live that were either gay of lesbian (which I suspected from the terribly PC letter she wrote to me *G*). And one of her friends said there was a scale where straight is one, three is bi and gay or lesbian is 5. Well S is a two on that scale. She's been with two of her female friends. Once before she knew what lesbian is and once after a half a bottle of some sort of alcohol mixed with 3 Zimas. [and BTW, I'm a 5 on that scale.]
She also clarified that the reason she pointed out my musical tastes was cause one of her gay friends is into the same music as I am. *giggle* I didn't hit her up for an introduction quite yet, and besides, he lives in California.
So after telling our life stories, we finally looked at the clock and it was 15 till 5 in the morning!!! Oy!

It's cool to have a (off-line) friend again!

Oh! Go to O. Bart's page!!! He finally got the pictures from his visit up!! Yep. Current pictures of yours truly (oh, and Bart too. *giggle*)! When I get some time, I'll mirror them here on my about me page.

E-mail me!

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