Current Entry - May 1st+

Friday, May 1st - May Day
I'm going to try to get back in the habit of recapping the previous month on the first entry of the month, for any new readers, and just to look at where I am now (thanks Chris for reminding me). And boy, what a busy month, that's for sure.

I realized I had more confidence, and even put it to good use a few times.
I got a raise at work.
Almost got to see my brother. But the fact that I didn't get to see him, kind of gave me a kick in the butt, and I felt like it was time to let go of that and get on with life.
Got some things straightened out with my mother.
Read an incredible book: "Billy's Boy" by Patricia Nell Warren. The third book in the series, but I haven't read the two, and I still loved this book a lot.
And all that was in the last, what, two or three weeks?

I'll admit, the last few days, I've been a little depressed. First off the book was really draining on me. I think mostly because I identified so much with the main character, but also because it deals with practically every aspect of being gay in today's society, and also being a kid in today's society. Neither of which are great positions to be in.
That and trying to get caught up on rest, and sleep, well does something to a person (at least to me it does). Especially since I never got completely rest up from Spring break yet.
Then Troy's kinda cryptic entry.... (Get well buddy. Your in my thoughts.)
And religion has been on my mind a lot lately (between grandma, the book, Micky's Musings, O. Bart's journal, my mom, and even my net-buddy Jer). It seems to be a reoccurring topic in my life right now. That always seems to depress me a little. I don't know, I wish sometimes believing in a deity worked for me, but it doesn't. I don't completely discount the possibility of one, but I don't have the faith enough to believe in.

But that's a discussion for another time. Right now, I have to get ready for work.

Sunday, May 3rd - AM - It's not just a job, it's an adventure!
I've always said "cleaning up after those damn cooks would be the death of me." Well it almost came true tonight, sort of.
The cooks got through doing there prep work, and left the tape player on the counter instead of putting it back out of the way. So when I got there, I needed the space to put the Silverware tray, so I put the tape player where it's supposed to go, on the cheese slicer that is currently not working. Then, I pushed the cord (which was still plugged in) under the slicer out of the way, and right into a completely hidden, not put away in the right place, freshly sharpened KNIFE BLADE!!!! It didn't cut the cord, thank goodness. That would have electrocuted me for sure, especially since my hands were wet. But I do have a clean cut in the tip of my middle finger that probably went to the bone (at least it felt like it did). Why do I always seem to get wounded at the beginning of the night instead of the end when it would be more convenient?
You never realize how much you actually use that finger until you do dishes for almost 6 hours. Every lemon slice you pick up, every spray of hot water (and half the damn keys on the keyboard I might add) sends a sharp reminder that that finger does comes in handy.
Oh well, that's not the worst cut I've gotten there in the last 11 years. I still have a scar from where I was scrubbing a baking dish and it broke, and the sharp point went right into my wrist, about one and a half centimeters from a major artery.
And when I was in WWI, I got shrapnel in my.... Since when did I get so old that all I have to talk about is my old war wounds? *giggle*

Tuesday, May 5th
Uh oh! My mom's on the net! Watch out, crazy women on the loose. *G*
So I had to go down on Sunday (and also tonight)and give her internet lessons. When I got there, she was on the phone with my brother. After she talked to him for about a half hour, I had nothing else to do except listen to them talk, so I started commenting on there conversation. Well, mom started relaying what I said, to him. After a while, she said: "I know you don't want to hear what he has to say, but honey, he's right."
Ha! Score one for Scott!!! *giggle* That felt good.

For those of you who didn't catch it, Jay (Killboy) is updating his journal again, and Bruce updated a few times now too.

Well, I'm off to bed. Gotta get up early tomorrow and go to Eugene and get my comics (and anything else that might appeal to me! *VBEG* Wish me luck!)

Wednesday, May 6th - The trip to the comic store
We got to Florence, and I took the short cut that usually takes a few minutes off the drive by not having to go through town. Well, soon it will be even shorter, but not to day, they were working on the road and so that added about 5 minutes to the short cut.

Okay, now we're back on the highway, headed to Eugene and the comic store. About 8 miles east of Florence, we have to slow down cause there is this truck behind a cop car, and he won't pass the cop who is going about 50 (in a 55 zone, so it's not that big a deal to me anyway, I'm a very patient person). Well a few miles more, and the cop car pulls off and lets the three of us go by (there is now a car behind me), then he pulls in behind the last car, and we continue.
Now I'm a very cautious driver. I didn't even get my license till I was 23. I rarely pass cars, I almost never go above the speed limit (unless it's accidental, and then just for short periods of time). I got pulled over once, and that was because I was driving with a headlight out. I had a replacement in the back seat, but couldn't figure out how to put it in, and the guy I thought would show me decided he didn't have time (my mothers jerk of a boyfriend), so I followed my mother home, and was almost there when I got pulled over. He gave me a warning! Can you believe that? But anyway, back to the story.
So we got to the passing lanes, and I went around the truck, and kept it below 55, well once I got past the truck and pulled back into the right lane, the cop car speeds up and starts driving right beside me only back a little, even when I slow down a little to let him go past. Well he does that for a few minutes, and then pulls in behind me. Buy this time I'm real nervous. The last thing I need is a ticket, and I haven't done anything wrong!
I turn off onto the road that leads off to Eugene, and get stuck behind a motor home that is going about 35. The cop right on my tail. We go about 10 more miles, and then he turns on his lights. So the motor home and I both decide to get out of his way by pulling into the parking lot of the "Gingerbread House Restaurant", the cop follows. The motor home goes one way, I go the other way, the cop follows me. I stop, swear, turn off the car, role down the window. My heart is beating a million times a minute, and I'm contemplating what could be the problem. The cop gets out, I take a deep breath. He approaches the car, I glance in the side mirror at him, his hat covers most of his face except his mischievous grin and his pointy chin. I suddenly realize it's just my cousin the cop. *G* Fucker scared the shit outta me.

But that's not the story you all tuned in to hear is it? So how did it go at the comic shop? Did I hit on that cute guy?

I walked in the shop with every intention to. But then I saw him, and I reverted to the old me. He did drop everything and checked me out (or should I say rang up my comics for me). Now that I think about it, most of the time, he does stop what he's doing and help me. I'm sure he knows I'm "family." Anyway, he's ringing up the comics, and joking with me, and I've turned into an airheaded school girl. Giggling at his jokes, averting my eyes when he looks at me, almost embarrassed that he's even talking to me (oh yeah, and checking him out when he's not looking). Not one coherent thing comes out of my mouth. I was going to ask him how his comic book that he does is doing, but I forgot. I was going to sign up for the "Babylon 5" and "Tales from the Age of Apocalypse" comic books series, but I forgot. I was going to ask about the "Shadows of the Empire" card set, but I forgot. I feel like an idiot. Oh well, there's always next time I guess.

Sunday, May 10th
First off, I would strongly urge any of you who are planning to have a relationship that you hope will last longer than an over night stand, to go check out Bruce's latest journal entry for the 9th and 10th.
It's got me thinking about how my brother and I used to communicate. We had a very interesting relationship. In a way, we were brothers, friends, and father / son all rolled into one. I know that most of our arguments that we had were caused buy the latter, the father / son relationship. Sometimes I wouldn't phrase something just right, and friendly advice would be taken as a fatherly order. I don't know if that is what happened last year, but I do know that if we have any kind of relationship again, it will be one like we have never had before. Friends is out of the question for many reasons, and the father / son was formed out of a necessity that no longer exists. So maybe for the first time in our lives, we can be just brothers for a change.

Speaking of siblings. I got my first e-mail from my sister last night. You'll remember I told mom not to tell my sister I'm gay cause of her homophobic hubby. It was actually a pleasant conversation. But the real shocker is that the night before... I heard from her hubby! Also, surprisingly, a pleasant conversation. Seems he's getting into the net too. He's got a little Native American blood in him, and he has always ignored his heritage, but he has gotten in touch with some people that are from the tribe of Indian he is part, and is learning about himself and his heritage. I guess it's similar to what I'm doing here with this journal in a way. So anyway, I do have a point I was going to make here, but that wasn't it. Seems when writing to then and answering there letters, I keep going to mention something about my sexuality (such as I know a cute guy on the net, stuff like that), but I keep erasing it. It's a weird feeling, like maybe mom didn't tell them, and I shouldn't mention it just in case I imagined the whole thing, like it is one of those dreams I used to have where people knew and it wasn't a big deal, but then I woke up and was disappointed cause no one really knew after all. But I did say a few things that could be taken another way and put "*G*"'s by it. But that's as close as I got to talking about it with either of them. I am interested to hear what her hubby thinks though. Maybe I'm not ready to hear it quite yet though.

So, my new helper pissed off the head cook lady tonight. He told her to keep an eye out for him a girlfriend. That pissed her off cause he has a wife back in Mexico. Well latter in the night after he had gone home, she (the head cook lady) came back and said he's been hitting on all the ladies that work there. Then she added that he's so desperate he even hit on the new waitresses who's a "raging lesbian!" *Scott's ears perk up*
Cool! Seems I'm not the "Token Gay" at work anymore! She's a nice lady (haven't seen her rage yet *G*). Wonder if she know's any guys my age? Course how do you bring that up in a conversation? "Hey, I hear your a lesbian?" Pow! Scott spits out a tooth and mumbles back, "Is that any way to treat family?" *G*

Wednesday, May 13th
Boy do I feel good. I've been sleeping great these last 5 or so days. I even slept 12 hours in a row the other day. Feels good for a change. Haven't got anything to complain about or anything. Heck, there were even three movies on at the theater this week (one for each day off). Took grandma to "The Odd Couple" yesterday (rent "Grumpy Old Men" if you want to see a good movie with Walter Mathow and Jack Lemmon in it), and tonight we went to see "Deep Impact". Not exactly a fun movie, but it was good. Elijah Wood wasn't in it enough though.

The plot revolves around a meteor the size of New York City headed for earth. I've been thinking about what I would do if I knew the world was going to end and there wasn't anyway out of it. What would I do... ...I haven't thought of an answer yet. So I thought I'd ask you guys. If you found out right now that you had 24 hours (or even a week) left to live on this planet before it was completely destroyed, starting right now, this second, what would you do with your remaining time? (BTW, only two people sent me flirting tips a few weeks ago! What happened to all my readers? *G*)

Anyway, tomorrow I take grandma to see "Object Of My Affection." I've heard it's a good movie. But I'm really looking forward to the conversation with grandma on the way home. The movie is about a lady that falls in love with Mr. Right. He just happens to be her roommate and he's gay. Course we didn't talk about "Deep Impact" on the way home tonight or "The Odd Couple" yesterday, so maybe there wont be any conversation about this movie either.
Lately grandma has been cracking what she thinks are helpful jokes about me needing to find a girlfriend, thinking that she is going to prod me into getting one. She doesn't realize how they hurt me and I just want to scream in her face that I'm gay just to stop it, but I can't do it that way. Actually I guess I can. Last year on Mothers day, I did that to my mother when she wouldn't leave me alone about getting together romantically with my ex-girlfriend (technically it was after midnight so it was the day after (okay, so I still feel real guilty for doing it then, but it wasn't like I went there to do it though)).