Current Entry - May 15th+

Friday, May 15th - 4:34 AM!
First off, it's 4:34 in the morning! Last night I slept pretty lightly too, so I think my good sleep nights are done for a while. At least I got some good rest.
I know why I'm not sleeping though. My icky uncle is coming on Saturday. Last time he was here he laid some crap on me about me having a bad "work ethic" before he left. He tried to make it sound like nice advice, but it didn't work. This guy doesn't take the time to even know anything about me much less know about my "work ethic".
Makes me so mad. I miss being able to go hide at my mothers while he came to visit. Not only that but he's an early bird and a noisy one at that. Does wonders for my work ethic being woken up at 5:30 or 6 in the morning after getting to bed at 11:30 (at the earliest).

Second sorry about the guilt trip in the last entry about only getting two answers to my request for flirting tips. I don't know where it came from, but it was uncalled for. I hate doing guilt trip cause I've been on the receiving end of to many of them in my lifetime.

And hey, not only has Larry has been having computer problems (he hasn't got his new computer working right yet) but he is also passing another kidney stone (seems pretty bad too, he almost passed out last night). So you might drop him a get well if you feel like it.

"Object Of My Affection" was a pretty good movie. It didn't inspire grandma and I to talk about it on the way home, other than she wanted to know who played the father of the lady in the movie (Allan Alda BTW).

Well I guess that's about it from my neck of the woods. Seems like there is something else I was going to talk about, but it's left me now. Oh well, TTYL.

5 AM - I remembered what it was that I was going to tell you.
So yesterday (the 13th) I got into bed and realized that I hadn't visited a single journal that whole day! Can you believe that? I haven't done that since I found Troy's page back in January. Course that didn't help me sleep. I wondered what I had missed. Was a strange feeling.

Well I'm going to post this and go back to bed. See if I can't get some more sleep. Goodnight.

Sunday, May 17th
When I got done with dishes tonight at work, the singer was just rapping up his set when I walked in and one of the busser's said that her (and the other busser that was still on) there favorite song that he does is "Sweet Misery" (By Hoyt Axton), and it turn out that that is also my favorite that he does and he usually dedicates it to me, so he sang that and then talked me into singing my song ("Can't Help Falling In Love With You" which I didn't know was an Elvis song until he told me). I had forgotten most of the words, and I forgot to breath, so it sucked, but that's okay, no one was in the bistro then any way.
So I got done and went to walk out and the waitress I told you about earlier this week that's a lesbian, well she asked me if I had met her girlfriend who she was sitting with. As it turns out I had. But you'll never in a million years guess where (mostly because you don't live my life and I left out some details of an earlier entry which I will now put in).

*Place wavy flashback effect here*

Remember when I came out to me boss and she told me of a gay guy that I knew. Well he runs a video store I go to and he is married so I never thought he was (I know, I know, don't remind me again about married guys *G*). Well either my brother was wrong and he isn't married to the lady that also works at the video store, or he is and she and he have a very open relationship, cause his wife is the waitresses girlfriend!

*chin drops* Welcome to the new millennium Scott.
Reminds me of that "Ellen" episode where everyone is gay except for Spence. Speaking of which, I wonder what the new "Gay" show will be now that "Ellen" is canceled.
[If your a Star Trek fan and don't want to hear info that may spoil surprises coming up in future episodes, skip the rest of this paragraph!] BTW, I heard that 7 of 9, the Borg lady on "Star Trek: Voyager", may turn out to be a lesbian character. They have been promising a gay character on Star Trek ever since Roddenberry was still alive (his son is gay BTW), so it's about time. Especially since the only remotely (And I do mean remotely) gay character on Star Trek (Commander Dax on Deep Space Nine) is going to be killed off in the series finale in a couple of months. Oh well, that's Hollywood for you.

Monday, May 18th - "Loose lips sink ships"
I got outed at work tonight (Sunday night) by the boss lady I came out to, to the other boss that's like a grandma to me. I was talking about how I'm getting togther with one of my friends from the net and she asked me in front of the other boss if it "was a date?" I think she realized what she was saying and who else was a part of the conversation as it came out of her mouth because she kind of grimaced and quickly glanced over at the other boss. I sort of clenched my teeth, but without skipping a beat went on as if it was nothing saying "no, were just getting together on his way to visit his relatives."
I wasn't going to tell this boss lady because I'm friends with her grandson (when he's here working), and he's sort of Homophobic. I know she won't have any problem with it, but I know it will get around to him eventually. In fact, she didn't say a thing, it was as if she knew already and she just went on talking.
How do I feel about it you might ask? Am I going to be mad at her for doing it? No. I'm fine. I trust her. Besides, it will get out sooner or later. And hey, if Mr. Net-friend visits on a day that I don't have to work and that the restaurant is open (*Hint hint*), he can help me use this damn "Free Dinner For Two" that I got from the restaurant for my last birthday (way back in August). And she will be one less person that I feel the need to keep it quiet around. I just wonder how long till her grandson get's the news that he hung out with a fag last summer. Hope he doesn't freak out to bad (he probably wont). After all we went to several movies together and he was going to take me out for dinner one of those nights. Come to think of it, I tried to take him to the restaurant for my free dinner one night, but his mother picked up the tab so I'm still stuck with the "free dinner". I can't even give it away. *G* And I get another one in August. Hope he doesn't think that I thought those were dates. *giggle*

Thursday, May 21st - I'm eating dinner at 5:30 in the morning!
Where to start. How ‘bout Tuesday night. Took mom to see "Deep Impact". The talk on the way to the movie and up till the movie started consisted of talk about me being gay (of course), my brother and all the wonderful things he going through (he actually found a girl friend (two words) through the internet), and some how it ended on my fathers suicide attempts back when they were married! My dad had told me about two of the times he almost killed himself, but the first two he left out. Oh well, the last time (I'm guessing that it was the last one) was the funniest. Hey, calm down until you've heard the story. I'm not that sick. *G*
It was right after the divorce and he had moved into the little one room trailer that was stored at his mothers house. Well he decided there wasn't any reason to go on, so he turned on the gas and went to bed. The next morning, his alarm went off, he got dressed (even turned on the light) and went to work, forgetting that he was trying to commit suicide! His mom smelled the gas later in the day and turned it off. Now see, isn't that funny? *giggle* My mom hadn't heard about that one. She was still giggling after the second preview was over and the movie started.

BTW, my mom said she would spend her last day waiting to see the big wave, from the beach. I believe she would too. When ever there was a tsunami warning here on the coast, she would get excited and say let's go to the beach, and she did. By herself!
As for what I would do with my last 24 hours, my first thought was to find someone to have sex with, but as reality set in, the list of possible subjects shrunk out of site. So I would most likely lock myself in my room with a big bowl of popcorn and all the STAR WARS and Star Trek movies and watch them back to back in order. At least I would die with a smile on my face. Alone, but happy.

Then after the movie, she as she was taking me home, she talked about her house she is buying from a friend. She told me that it has three bedrooms, plenty of room for Grandma to move in with her! All of a sudden the only thing keeping me here on the edge of nowhere is the car payments that will be over in December!! Can you smell that? There's change waiting in the winds?
So mom took me home and when we walked in the house grandma announced that my uncle (grandma's brother) was not expected to make it through the night. He's been in a home for a few years now, and now he's not eating or drinking. So she asked if I would take her over to Eugene if he made it through the night. I said sure. Miss a trip to Eugene? Not me!
I had every intention to go to bed early, but it didn't happen. I was up till about 2:30 AM answering e-mails and even chatted with Chris (Journal coming soon) for a half hour. The next morning, at 5 AM I was wide awake and ready for the day. If we didn't have to go to Eugene then it was payday which meant shopping one way or the other. :) Course, no one else woke up till 8, and we found out that my uncle did make it through the night, so the trip to Eugene was a go. I should mention that my uncle was the wanderer of the family. For the last some-odd years he's traveled the states and a few of the provinces. He's got plenty of friends scattered all over the place, but nowhere to call home. In the process of traveling, he alienated most of the family just because he or they lost contact with him and there lives went on. My grandma and him were close when they were kids, but since, they have drifted way apart. Grandma doesn't even want to go to the funeral and didn't want to go see him, but my Evil aunt talked her into it.
Anyway, I took grandma over and at TOYS'R'US (where a grownup can be a kid) the Evil aunt picked her up for lunch and took her to see her brother. I on the other hand went to see if I could catch my dad on his lunch break and maybe get a free lunch out of him. He was at work, but he didn't take me to lunch. We talked for an hour though. Nothing spectacular, the weather, his camping, my internet, his wife, my net-friends, nothing even remotely upsetting to either one of us. I did however swear a few times. I really don't cuss in real life as much as I do here in the journal, but the journal is closer to how I think than most people get to see (something I'm trying to change BTW). Anyway, being the deacon of his so called church, he usually flashes me a look when ever something he doesn't approve of slips out, but this time he didn't even flinch. I get so tired of having to censor the way I am around him, so this time I tried not to (I did a couple of time just out of habit). I feel that was a small victory on me becoming me, and I consider that talk worth the trip over.
After that I went to the comic book shop hoping to talk to the cute guy there, but the store was packed and the guy was up to his elbows in comics that needed sorting and we didn't even make eye contact. :(
So I went and picked up grandma and we rushed home cause we both wanted to go see "The Horse Whisperer" with my mom (that's where our priorities are, rushed trip to see dying uncle so we can go see a movie *G*). We got home, had a 5 minute potty break and got back in the car to meet mom at the movie place. The movie was real good, not great, but real good and I think it's one of the best shows I've seen yet this year (wasn't thrilled with the realism of the accident though. Yuck!).
Any way, we came home at 8 and I read my e-mail and went to bed without eating dinner. After breakfast I did have some popcorn at the movie, but that was it all day. So here I am at 5 AM eating my dinner finally. And that's how my relaxing weekend is going. :)

Friday, May 22nd
Yesterday. Odd day. First off, my uncle passed away. He died yesterday morning. Grandma seems okay. Not sure though. As for me, well it's left me reflective of course. I don't have any real memories of him at all. Nothing from the family gatherings we used to have when I lived on the farm. I'm not sure he even attended any of them. I don't know who he really was. Just his name, mentioned on the wind.

Then after grandma and I went to see "Quest For Camelot" (awful animation, bad voice casting, terrible songs, good story though). Larry called me. Yep, Mr. Larry, my bestest net friend from the "Garden Of Good Stuff" in Savanna Georgia. It was so cool. I finally have a voice to go with the thoughts. There's a person there. A slight southern accent (it only shows a little here and there). I don't know, I think I thought he would sound more like Eeyore (you know, the donkey from Winney the Pooh or something. But actually he seemed very up beat. Cute laugh. *giggle* (Sorry Larry, but it's true. *G*) I really didn't expect him to laugh, or be in such a good mood. Makes me wonder what some of you guys look and sound like. I didn't expect Rotti to look or sound like he does. I know even when I read my own entries I project a mood into it. I sound depressed all the time, but that's not really me. I'm usually pretty happy, easy going guy. My brother used to say get me started talking about STAR WARS and I glowed (he also complained that I wouldn't stop talking about it too though). No wonder I worry so much about the other people on the other side of the net. I guess it's time to buy me some phone cards! I have some friends who need personality profiles updated. :)
Oh, and yes, Kim does exist! I got to talk briefly with him. Boy was that awkward.

Speaking of my net-life! God I hate my Internet provider Netbridge! My payment ($25) is due on the 20th, and is considered late on the 23rd. I payed it yesterday (the 21st) at about 4pm. And last night at midnight, I was disconnected! This isn't the first time either. They just don't put me into the computer for a day or two and there computer decides to cut me off a day or two early. And I should mention that when I signed up with them, it took them almost a week to finally activate my account. Makes me so mad. *Aarg!* I feel so cut off from the world without the net. Anyway, just wanted to publicly humiliate them. They peeve me so. *G*