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October 1998

Friday, October 2nd - A New Month.
It's been a month since I visited Michael. Michael and I are talking less now. I'm not sure if it's my fault or his, or if there is fault, but it's happened. I've been trying to talk him into coming down here for a few days, but I still don't think I have convinced him to visit yet. I wanted him to come for 5 to 7 days, but he said he'd only feel comfortably with 4 days. *shrug* I'll jump at any amount of time I can get with him. I miss him. And I still Love him.

Meanwhile, Corey, the guy I have a crush on (check out his journal), well were talking almost every night (except for when him and S talked till 6 in the morning that one night). It's less than a month before I pick him up at the airport for his 6 day visit. The more we talk, the more we feel that we were meant to be together. L, it took a whole month just to find something that we don't have in common. Not surprising since I'm one of the few gay guys that doesn't think Tom Cruise and Matt Damon are cute.
So will my love for Michael prevent me from falling for Corey? Or will the fact that Michael didn't love me back make me more careful before I give my heart to Corey?

*giggle* Tune in next week for the exciting conclusion on EoN.

Sunday, October 11th

The world
is your exercise-book, the pages
on which you do your sums.
It is not reality,
although you can express reality
there if you wish .

You are also
free to write nonsense,
or lies, or to tear
the pages. -- Richard Bach

So I guess the only way to get you guys to stop asking me when I'm gonna update, is to update. :)

So what to talk about? How about the fact I'm doing much better now that I'm thinking of Michael as "the cute X that got away". :) Several people have told me to not close off Michael as an option, but if I don't, I'll never move ahead. So what's next?
Corey's showing up on the 1st of next month! *BBBG* I can hardly wait. The more I talk to him, the more excited I get about meeting him. *sigh* Again, I hope I'm not putting to much hope into this meeting. We talked on the phone last night, and I can tell this month is going to be way to long.
What does he sound like you ask? Like I've said before, we don't have accurate words to describe how people sound, but I got this warm urge to curl up next to him and listen to him tell me stories. A nice voice. And a cute laugh.

*sigh* Is it November yet?

My friend S is becoming quite the computer hog. :) We pretty much take turns, I get it one night, and she gets it the next. And hey, I may have talked her into starting her own website (maybe even with a journal, or something similar). :)

My mother just got back from seeing my brother while he was in Utah for a week. Sounds like she had fun. Also sounds like he is finally making friends or at least fitting in better.

*giggle* Corey showed my picture to one of his hockey teammates the other day and he said that if Corey didn't want me, he'd take me and that he was going to try to get up here before Corey. He was joking of course, but still. I've got hockey players fighting over me? *lol* Never once imagined that would ever happen. :)

Tuesday, October 13th - C O R E Y !

I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!

Saturday, October 17th - "Why don't he write?"

At The Beginning -- From Anastasia

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me, I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers, on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody somewhere
I need love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing is going to tear us apart

Life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Starting out on a journey

In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning
With you

K, so I haven't met him yet. I've only known him for a month and a half. It'll be another half a month till I do meet him. I know that we really need to meet before we know for sure that we'll want to be together as boyfriends or more. But hey! What the fuck. This feels so GOOD, I don't care. :)

And that's why I haven't been writing here. I've started entry after entry but I end up trying to justify our choice to use the label to everyone, but the fact is I don't feel the need to justify it at all.

My friend S read my journal the other night. What an odd feeling that was. Sitting there painting while she read my deepest thoughts (most of which we have talked about already), snickering all the way through it. There were several times I couldn't stand it and asked what was so funny. :)

Is it me, or is time moving backwards? Seems like November should have gotten here by now.

Sunday, October 18th
*giggle* Corey came home drunk last night. Wasn't something he planned, but I could tell he was nervous about how I was going to take it.
Alcohol was a mainstay in our household growing up. All the grown ups would "unwind" like every night with it. Now for the most part, they didn't get shit-faced, but as you know, when you have a few, your perceptions change a little. Some people just get louder, some get a little more aggressive, some get quiet. Well what ever the effects, you change enough that people that know you well, can sense that your tipsy. In my mind as a kid, I seemed to get those strange punishments, that still don't make sense to me, more when the parents were in there altered state. After a while, you begin to dread it. And that's what has happened to me. That's the main reason I don't drink.
That being said, and Corey knew that from a conversation a few nights prior, he was a tad hesitant to tell me. But, *add several more points to the score sheet* he did tell me without me having to pry. My reaction? *EG* I was fine with it. I know he drinks on occasion (L, I even have a very cool pic he sent me that had a Budweiser sitting beside him), and I was glad he was out having fun with his buddy's (sound like cool friends too, see Corey's journal for more details). I cold see how he is when inebriated even from the other side of the computer screen. I assured him that it's okay if he drinks every once in a while, it's not like I haven't been around people all my life that drink. I've been to parties at work and stuff. It does bother me a little then, but not much. It's real fun if you have a buddy that is sober too, cause then you can make fun of the silly drunk person that just came up and held a completely incoherent conversation with you about the color of the carpet on the ceiling which doesn't exist. :)
Heck, I would have loved to have been there at the party. I wouldn't have drank anything alcoholic, but I still would have had fun. His friends sound so sweat. And I can see how much Corey loves me by how they are reacting to him and.
Wish I was there. It'd be cool to have friends like that. So far S is the only one really genuinely happy for me that I found Corey. I showed his picture to my mother, and told her that we're boyfriends now, and two sentences later she was back to talking about my brother again like I hadn't just showed her the guy that I love. My boss didn't have much to say either, I think she was more worried that I would leave the restaurant to go be with this guy. She has good cause to be worried. *EG*

Less that two weeks now and I'll have him in my arms. *HUG* I love you Corey. :.)

Oh, and I almost forgot, my helper last night asked if I knew what beer tastes like. I told him I don't drink, so, no I don't know what it tastes like. He got an evil grin and said "Pussy". I swear everything with that guy either smells or tastes like that. So I guess that means I'll never know what beer tastes like. But that's fine with me since.... I don't care! :)

Wednesday, October 21st
Went to the beach today with S. We have been having awful weather lately. Low 80's, High 70's. Yuck!
Well today at the beach, I wrote "CTP + SAW" in a heart. Then it hit me and I stepped back. It actually meant something this time. Sure I've wrote in the sand fantasy things before, but this person actually feels that way about me too. *BG*

250 hours till he's here!

Friday, October 23rd - 13
So on October 13th My boyfriend Corey entered the military. On October 13th my brother went in to the military. On October 13th me and Corey decided to be boyfriends.
Makes me wonder what else happened on the 13. Also makes me wonder what else is going to happen on the 13th.

Speaking of the 13th. Corey went back to look at our first ICQ contact. It was on the 13th of September, exactly one month before we became boyfriends. :)

Well gotta go. I have to stop by the bank on the way to work, just in case....

Wednesday, October 28th - Just Plane Waiting
We got Corey's tickets last night!!! Just so you know, the price gets higher when you wait to long! Corey's credit card didn't come in the mail yet, so I put the tickets on my card so he can pay me back. So now it's official! Corey's coming to visit! *BBBG*

Did I ever mention I get "Test Anxiety"? Well when filling out the paperwork on the net for the tickets, it hit me. My mind went blank. Simple tasks became unfathomable. Thankfully Corey was talking me through it anyway, so it wasn't that bad. Haven't felt like that for years. Not since my year in college. Although I do get like that a little when ordering things on the phone, or when talking to answering machines.

Just 3 days to go!

Friday, October 30th - Mothers, Brothers, Lovers
Went to moms house last night for movie night ready to start a fight with her over her lack of enthusiasm over me and Corey versus her enthusiasm over my brother and the girl he met on the net. Well it didn't happen. Didn't need to. She's really excited about him coming. She even invited us to come to dinner one night while he's here. *giggle* I think he's nervous now. :)

S and I went to the beach the other day. We went to the place my brother and I used to hang out all the time. It was odd. Thinking back it felt like yesterday the two of us were there. Him and the dog racing the waves through the corridor like rock formation. I felt like if I listened close enough I would still be able to hear his laughter in the wind. Whole lot of memory on that beach.
I've heard about him a lot lately, and talked about him a lot too. I miss him. I know the holidays are going to be hard again this year. Halloween used to be our favorite holiday. We used to get dressed up and go visiting. This year... No dressing up, no visiting... Just work and to bed early.
I hope I get to see him while he's in town for the Christmas this year.

Corey got his tickets in the mail today!!! He's got his housework done and is all ready to come see me. I'm doing my laundry as we speak, and I'll probably do some house work tonight or tomorrow night. Then on Sunday morning I pick him up at the airport. Hope I can remember how to get there. *EG* Just kidding Corey, I know where it is.
A week from now I'll be taking him to the airport to send him back home. I miss him already. *sigh*

Well this will most likely be the last entry till after he leaves. So have a good week. I know I will. :)

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