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January 26th to the 28th 1998

January 26th PM
There are signs of spring already!! No I don't mean WALMART having Valentines stuff, they've had those since early December. No what I'm talking about is that there are flowers blooming in my front yard! Damn this El Ninio (Sorry, I've no idea how to spell that, I took french in high school and my only dictionary is older than me (not to mention the spell checker isn't helping any))! Were is that snow I ordered?
Speaking of french in High School. It has not once come in handy. Spanish on the other hand would be very handy these days. Not only have we had 2 Spanish speaking individuals as my helpers at work in recent years, but my cousins wife is Hispanic. While I was down there, I could tell when he was in the most trouble when she would start talking to him in Spanish.

Rented "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" the other day. DiCaprio was great as always (and his acting wasn't that bad either *grin*). I can sure identify with the character of Gilbert Grape. If you want to know what I am like, Gilbert Grape is about as close as any movie character comes that I've seen.

What's in a name?
I saw this comedian on TV once who said that if his "life was a television sitcom, it would be canceled after only a couple of episodes, and be titled" something I cant remember what (sorry I can't remember the punch line, it wasn't all that funny though if I remember right). Well, I started searching for a title for my life story when I heard that (after all, someday I'll be rich and famous and someone will want to write my life story. You guys get a free sneak preview). After finding several funny ones, I stumbled upon this Garfield the cat mini poster that had Garfield looking over a large black blank spot that said "Greetings from the edge of nowhere." So in case you were wondering, this journals name is actually "Greetings From The Edge Of Nowhere." The web page is named "S.A.W! On-Line Too", and is just another part of my other web page, S.A.W! On-Line (the politically correct one listed at the bottom of the main page). The S, A, and the W are my initials. Hopefully someday the pages can be just one big page, but until then, the Politically correct one doesn't link to this one.

P.S. It seems I spoke to soon. I'm posting my entries more frequently than I said I was going to, so I put a link to a free E-mail robot on the main page that you can go to and register the web- address of any site you want it to monitor, and it will check it once a day to see if it has been updated. If it has, it will E-mail you and let you know. Cool Huh? Cut's down on unnecessary surfing for those of you still paying by the hour for your time on the Internet.

January 27th
The weather was clearer today, even saw that awful star called a sun (personally I like rain and wind and fog (but I love snow)). So reluctantly I drug my sorry ass down to the beach. I haven't been to the beach since the "Thank God We Survived Summer" party last September at work. Before that the last time I went to the beach was way back in January or February when my brother and I were still talking. I miss the long walks we used to take. There is this cool rocky beach, with all sorts of cool rocks formed when lava met the sea, that we liked to climb on them, and explore all of the tide pools and there's even a small cave that's fun to explore on occasion (when the tide is right). My walk lasted about 5 minutes. The beach sucks when your by yourself, and there were to many memories associated with it.
There's got to be something else to write about other than loneliness, guess its a good thing I go back to work on Saturday.

So, my New Years Resolution was to come out as much as possible before the end of January. Hmm. Except for this page, I didn't come out at all. Now I remember why I don't usually make New Years Resolutions.

January 28th
(You'll have to excuse this entry, I just got home from watching "Amastad." (Good movie BTW, but not as good as "Shindler's List" or most of Spielberg's other movies))

We're on the verge of the twenty-first century. Just two short years to go. We as a species have endured on this planet for over 2000 years. But still were divided. Our perceptions of this single planet we live on are cut short by imaginary borders, geological, and biological, but not very logical. A persons color still dictates how others perceive and treat them, who a person loves is still a reason to be condemned, punished, even killed. A persons very survival isn't even considered there constitutional right. People are forced to live on the streets, surviving on garbage, sleeping in gutters, denied lifesaving medical attention, while others own two, maybe more, homes which are vacant 90% of the time. Governments fight amongst themselves using nameless people (our brothers, sisters, cousins, and neighbors) who if left to there own devices, would never know the other nameless people they are fighting even existed much less hate them enough to go into there homes and kill them. We destroy the very environment that sustains us. We are so self centered, we even overpopulate the planet to a point where our very graves will soon have to be timeshared to make room for the next generation (I hear Japan may already be doing that). I don't pretend to be perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I too sit here in my comfy chair typing words onto my personal computer and do nothing. Hoping someone else will make the first move, thus making the next move all that much easier to make. I was taking a cart back to WALMART the other day and saw an elderly man picking through the trash. I accidentally glanced into his eyes as he replaced the lid to the trash can clutching the five cent refundable pop can he just found inside. Do you know what I saw? I saw my own fear reflected back. One day that could be me. As it is, I have less than $5 to my name (but if I sold ALL my stuff (my car, my VCR's, my computer, and my extensive STAR WARS collection) I could probably put myself through college). Would anyone help me? Or would I simply become just one more number in another sad statistic. Dying alone in the coldness of the night, while our government spends millions on trying to find out if the president had an affair. An amount that would feed hundreds homeless for years. I have a friend, that is the son of one of the cooks that used to work at the restaurant, who is currently living on the streets due to the fact he started hearing little green men (no small feet, considering he is color blind and cant tell the difference between green and brown) in the phone lines and he refuses to take medication cause he thinks nothing is wrong with him. That could happen to any one of us. Who knows what causes a chemical imbalance, but yet, the problem goes unsolved.
My own father belongs to the OCA (Oregon's KKK against gays). I want so bad to ask him, "what if one of your sons were gay?" What a way to come out! *okay, there's my evil streak. It usually doesn't get to come out and play* Why is it that we can see people suffering and keep ourselves distanced from the truth that that could very easily be us should luck decide to take another route.

Yow! I just took a break and did some surfing. Have you been to Tome's site? Sh*t, poor guy. I would be a nervous wreck in his situation. Actually, I tend to keep my cool when everyone around me loses it. Years of dealing with my mothers breakdowns.
Want to talk about not making any sense. Could someone explain homophobia to me. I have never wanted to beat the sh*t out of anyone in my life. Sure I've been mad at people and thought about punching them in the face, but that is usually an after thought. I tend to just want to get away from the situation, or if tempers are cool, talk it through. I certainly wouldn't want to beat up a female (sorry, too much DS9) just for being attracted to me (talk about beating them off with a stick!) I have an uncle who picked me up by the collar of my shirt and drug me halfway across the front yard and was going to beat me up because I didn't mow my grandmothers yard in the rain with an electric mower (he couldn't hit me though, with my mother hanging off of his arm). The most action I took against him was plotting his death for weeks (a hit man would have done the job don't you think?) Why on earth do people hate gays so much? Is it learned from all those stupid gay jokes? Are they jealous of our combined talent and stunning looks? *Sorry, this is getting a little to serious for me so I'm covering up my anger with stupid jokes.* Please, someone explain this to me. What is this world coming to? I'm almost embarrassed to be human. Think I'll become a dolphin or a whale or something (no wait, were screwing up the oceans too. Is nothing sacred?) *Okay, no more depressing, meaningful movies for me. I think I'll go rent "Babe" tomorrow just to recover from "Amistad". *the pig movie, not the John Goodman baseball movie (Ack, I'd need therapy again for sure if I rented the baseball movie)*. Oh, did you hear, there making a sequel to "Babe"? James Cromwell will be returning.*

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