Monday, June 1st already?
It seems like more than a year since I started this journal. I have friends on-line that I feel like I've known at least that long. This journal has become a regular part of my life, so has reading others journals. Yet the last six months have flown by. Not to mention that it seems like only yesterday that that phrase came out of my brothers mouth. The one I've feared all my life. "Your not gay are you?" Now I wish he, or anyone for that matter, would have asked that years ago. It's hard to believe it's June of ‘98 already. Where did my life go? Two months to go till I'm 29 years old.
I don't know where that was going with that, but it's there now. :)
So, I asked for flirting tips on the net, and didn't get very many. Now it seems life has thrown some my way, but I just didn't realize it at first. Remember that girl at work that has been flirting with me? Well, now I'm going to take notes. After all, she has communicated what she wants very well. Ha, and the other night, she even mentioned that she walks home from work (that was a hard one for her to work into the conversation BTW), but the cute kid I think is interested in me, beat her to that one, he told me exactly where he lives on his third night there. *G*
At work I hear bits and pieces of conversations all night long as I put dishes away. Well it seems that the girl needs more hours, and rather than higher a new person, she is going to pick up a few days of putting away dishes. In other words, she will be one of my helpers. As for the guy, from what I gather, his mother and him will be moving away just before the new school year.
Thursday, June 4th - Site Updates
So did anyone notice the new look to the opening page? *giggle* It should be spreading to the rest of the site soon. The only reason I say that is cause I'm using that as my excuse for not writing an entry in a while. :) That and I've discovered the joys of ICQ. Between the ICQ, and the Cool 3D program (that's the name of the program BTW) I've been negligent in making entries and answering some of my e-mails. Can you tell I'm feeling guilty about it? Oh well, I'm having fun.
Lets see, oh yeah, Tome's back! He made a few updates recently. Maybe if you bug him, he'll make a few more. *giggle*
I added a couple pictures to my "More About Me Than Anyone Would Ever Want To Know" page. Don't get too excited, there not of me, but of the farm I grew up on. Grandma let me know where the photo albums are, so there may be a few more added soon.
Sorry this is such a short entry, there isn't much else to report. Not unless your interested in the effects sugar has on me. I've had more sugar this week than I have this whole year so far (my sugar intake is usually very low, so when I do have some, it effects me a lot). So I'm a TAD BIT Hyper (understatement of the year).
Friday, June 5th - Cosmic Joke #11947630086538765327 part 3
So you ever get the feeling the universe is playing a joke on you? Boy I sure do.
The girl at work with the obvious crush on me? Well if I were straight (which'll never happen) well she would be the perfect girl for me. You know what she asked me the other night? She asked me what I thought would happen if The Blob, The Thing, and The Stuff (obscure b-movie about killer mayonnaise) got together. Shit! Why can't I find a guy who thinks like that (besides me). We even have senses of humor that are way to alike. She'll make a good friend.
Oh hey, and to nights Spanish word was the slang term for breasts. And if that weren't enough, my helper wanted to know how many times a day I wack off. Like I'd tell him that. That guy is just to much.
Wanna talk about Mr. Wrong though? Remember the kid I thought has a crush on me? Well I don't care if he does or not cause I don't think I can handle being around him much anymore. We were talking after work out by the cars (this was shortly after he decided I reminded him of Yoda), and we were talking about the net and computers, and he said you could meet some nice girls on-line, and I said I hadn't meet one yet *Sly Grin*, then he started talking about some of the new cute girls at the restaurant, and asked me if I had a girlfriend, and I said no, and he asked if I was waiting for the right one, and I really didn't answer (I wanted to say "no, but I'm working on getting me a boyfriend" but I couldn't bring myself to do it), well right after that he asked if he could smoke (Uck, gag, barf), I said that's fine, it's your lungs, besides we were outside so it didn't hurt me any and I got in a few cracks about lung cancer and next step being a crack addict. Well the next subject he came up with were his plans for after school. Guess what he's planning on doing. He's going into the Air Force. Shit, I didn't want to hear that (That's where my brother is BTW). I told him I really didn't want to talk about that. Murder is murder even if the government allows it, I said. Then told him briefly about my brother and I.
Last night I was ICQing (sort of e-mail chatting) with one of my readers, and I asked him what he did for a living. Well it turned out he's in the military, and I freaked. I told him I needed to go to bed and turned off the ICQ. I felt so stupid. It was like all of a sudden it didn't matter if he was a nice guy or not, I just couldn't be on the same Internet with him. I did go back about an hour later and apologized to him for it (even though he had no idea I freaked out), and I talked to him a little more till it was time for me to go to bed.
It's like the universe is forcing this issue on me sometimes. I really hate it. I can go for a few days without even thinking of the military and my brother, and then someone mentions one or both, and it's sticks in my mind for hours at a time. It makes me mad and sad at the same time. I just want to lock it away, and not think about it anymore. Ever.
Saturday, June 6th
Okay, it's one thing for me to say I'm against the military all this time, but I haven't said why. But first, last night when I told the kid that I thought murder was murder even if the government says it's okay, the next thing out of his mouth was "So I guess you don't believe in capital punishment?" Which I don't. And here's why?
Someone decided to break into your home and kill all your family except you. Do you want him to get the electric chair? Let's say you do, and he does. Several years later, someone does the same thing to you. It could have been prevented! You had a chance to stop it before it happened again! If you had found out what made the first guy do it, found out how to recognize the signs, and to treat it before it got to that stage, you not only could have saved that person, but prevented it from happening again. Murdering the guy doesn't do a thing except decrease the population further (not that we don't need to cut down on the population, but there are better ways to do that than killing people).
Okay, now on to why I'm against the military and also why I don't agree with my brother or anyone being in it.
Lets say the above guy that slaughtered your family, came to you some night and asks you for a few bullets and to load his gun for $5 so he could go kill some other persons family cause he thought... I don't know, maybe he thought gas prices were to high (*G*). Would you do it? Cause that's exactly what you do if you work for the military. If they don't agree with someone else's government, then they send people over to kill some of there people till there government decided to agree with ours. If your not one to be sent to kill or be killed, your helping to make th bullets for there guns so they can go to the other persons house and wipe out his family to make a point to someone. Sure it's a little more complicated than that, I mean there are things like the UN and stuff that make rules that if they aren't followed, then we send troops in to try to make them obey the rules, but that doesn't always work. Sometimes they get a bigger gun than you and then what have you accomplished. Nothing! You've just provoked him, you've made him mad, and now he's going to want to get even, and then you'll want to get even, and then he'll want to get even, and then you'll want....
All that get's accomplished is lots of innocent people get killed in the name of peace (don't agree? Do you think only soldiers get killed in a war?). War begets war. It's as simple as that.
Well you say we need a military so someone wont try to invade us. Sure, and then they want one so that we don't invade them, and there's has to be bigger, and then we need one bigger, and then.... Another endless cycle.
I don't know the answer to finding peace, but war isn't it.
Anyway, one of the reasons my brother going into the military was such a shock is that he shared these views also. Or at least he said he did. I guess in looking back, it doesn't look like it.
Saturday, June 6th - Cosmic Joke #11947630086538765327 part 4
And just to rub it in, my mother shows up out of the blue to see me, wearing an Air Force T-shirt, bubbling with stories of my brother (he cleaned a jet the other day! Ooh, so exciting. NOT!).
"I'm trying to live in the present, but I keep tripping on the past."-- Cyndi Lauper from "Hat Full Of Stars"
Sunday, June 7th
It's graduation weekend, so it's been slow at work this weekend, so I'm in an unusually good mood. The sugar cravings have stopped, now I'm back to craving cheese again. Oh well, it's better for me than sugar that's for sure.
Oh hey, my order from CDNow didn't come into stock, so they canceled the order. Since the extra money is already in the bank, I just ordered something else. Well every time you place an order (for a limited time only) they have a contest. I WON!!! No, I'm not a millionaire (yet) but I do have 6 free minutes of Long Distance calls coming. Yippee! *G* Oh well, at least I won. Now, who to call?
Wednesday, June 10th - The Scott Show: Day 10535
I've got so much I want to put in this entry, I may not get to it all today.
First off, my views of the military. That's all they are, my views. I would love it if they were more conforming to the norm, it would have made the last year so much easier for me if they had been, but they aren't. So far I've only heard from three people on this issue. One of my friends and fellow journalist mentioned he agreed with some of what I said, but not all, and left it at that. Another friend and Journalist actually went into a few points about it. And I'm very grateful to (we'll call him) Mr. B for his inside insight into the issue.
I imagine some if not most of you are thinking that I would still like to avoid the issue, and so you have left me be. I appreciate that, but I think I'm ready to start discussing it. It's time to work through it and move on. So any insight would be appreciated.
I learned more about my dead uncle the other day. Actually more than I think I would have ever wanted to know. It seems to be rolling around in my grandma's head, and I think she wanted to get it out. Lucky me, she cornered me in the kitchen and gave me the Readers Digest version of his life story from her point of view. Every couple of minutes, the story would end the same way: "And then he showed up on my doorstep asking for money" or "Then he married this one and that one." *giggle*
I won't go into any of it though as it is mostly boring and you and to be there to appreciate it I guess. I would like to point out that out of all my grandma's kids, my mother is the one that worshiped him and his way of life. And it shows.
One story she told me was how he stole an elephant one night while he was drunk in China and forgot how he did it. *sigh* Only in my family would you forget how you stole an elephant.
And another story (also in China) (also when drunk) was how he killed a guy.
She said that he was in a bar one night and a guy was "trying to make time with him" (I'm not sure I want to know what that means) and that pissed him off, so they had a fight. Then when my uncle went outside the guy was waiting for him and they got in a shoving match and the guy got thrown to the ground and hit his head. My uncle thought he was just knocked out and he went home to sleep it off, but the guy wasn't just unconscious. Long story short, it was ruled an accident, blah, blah, blah, my uncle walked.
New subject. Actually, it's an old subject, but I need to dig it up again.
So when does a net crush reach the next level, and what is the next level. Is the next level even possible on the net or does it have to be off-line to reach the next level. Is the next level even possible off-line if it started on-line. Is this relevant to my life right now? Well kinda, sorta, maybe not, could be, no way, possibly, I don't know. But it's been on my mind this week.
Well that's all I can think of at the moment. Seems there was something else, but it escapes me at the moment. I should be getting a visitor this weekend, so I may have new and recent pictures of myself up next week. There is also another journal I'm hoping to add any day now, so keep an eye out for that update too. I'm also considering shutting down my Geocities page and moving the content over to here in the near future. I'm not sure yet though. Both Tripod and Geocities have given there free members 11 MEG's of space now, and both my pages put together only reach almost 2.5 MEG's. Seems like a waist. Besides, if it were all here, I would be updating it more frequently (and openly, I might add), so I don't know. Geocities is going to be trying out a new advertising thing *cringe* so if that isn't as bad as this damn Tripod Pop-up Window, I may move my Geocities and then switch this over there as well. All depends on how much ambition I get in the next few days / weeks.
Oh, and "The Truman Show"? Good movie. Just don't expect a comedy. It leaves you thinking. I haven't digested it all yet, I may need another time to even start digesting it.
And on that note.... "Holodeck off!" Okay, just checking. :)